NASW Practice Snapshot:
Mincing Words: Empathy And Sympathy

Office of Social Work Specialty Practice

Have you ever tried to console a client who is upset, only to have them yell, “How could you possibly know what I’m going through? You haven’t experienced what it’s like…” If so, you may want to think about the distinction between the words “empathy” and “sympathy.”

The word “sympathy” seems to be more commonly used and understood, and most people use it when an appropriate situation arises. The American Heritage Dictionary (2002) defines sympathy as, “The act or power of sharing the feelings of another. A feeling or an expression of pity or sorrow for the distress of another; compassion or commiseration.” Use of the word “sympathy” however, whether accurately or not, is sometimes perceived as denoting a paternalistic or insincere attitude. The word can be disempowering for this reason, and so the preferred word is empathy.

Empathy is defined in the Social Work Dictionary as “The act of perceiving, understanding, experiencing, and responding to the emotional state and ideas of another person” (Barker, 2003). Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary (2002) defines empathy as, “The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.” Oftentimes there is a misperception that one must actually have shared the same experiences in order to express empathy. In fact though, empathy can be used to express compassion for the actual feelings, and this is what we, as social workers, can offer our clients.

Properly distinguishing between these two words, however, is still not going to prevent you from ever hearing an angry outburst from a client who is upset because they assume that you think you know what they are going through. A client may become upset if you say you “sympathize” because they feel patronized, and they may become upset if you say you “empathize” because they think you cannot know what they are experiencing. But it is important, nonetheless, to understand exactly what you are saying, and also to understand that you can empathize without actually experiencing what another is going through. Often a client needs someone to whom they can vent, and a common response is to lash out at a person who is trying to help; so regardless of what you say, you may become the subject of this outburst.

Clients do not need sympathy or sorrow in most cases. They need someone to listen to them, support them, and to validate their emotions in a caring and empathic manner. Interestingly, sympathy is almost always used when consoling someone about a death. Card stores and displays have sympathy card sections, and the cards often use the word “sympathize” in their notes. Even if you have experienced the death of someone close yourself, “empathy” may not feel like the correct word. Perhaps then, this is an exception to the use of the word “empathy.” But as a general rule, social workers are understanding and sensitive to the problems that others are experiencing; they do not simply express pity or sorrow at another’s distress, but rather they empathize with their clients’ feelings.

 

Houghton Mifflin Company. (2002). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language (Fourth ed.). [Online]. Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/ on 5/10/05 .

Barker, R. L. (2003). The Social Work Dictionary (Fifth ed.). Washington, DC: NASW Press.

 

Merriam-Webster, Inc. (2002). Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary [Online]. Retrieved from http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/mwwod.pl on 5/10/05.

NASW, June 2005